Cohousing and community

I did originally include this in my previous post, about my weekend in west Dorset, but I thought I'd make that one a bit shorter, and create a separate post for what I say here. However, be prepared for a rather long post, unbroken by nice photos! :P

As I said in that post, the reason I went with my friends to Dorset was to attend a little informal event organised by Bridport Cohousing, a cooperative running an ambitious development project to build a cohousing neighbourhood of 53 homes. For anyone who doesn't know what cohousing is, basically they're intentional communities created and maintained by their residents, where there are shared community spaces, facilities, and amenities, to encourage interaction and formation of close relationships, but each household still has a self-contained private home. Shared spaces are usually things like a large room for regular shared meals or film- or games-nights or meetings or parties, a laundry room, one or two guest rooms, transport, gardens, etc, and residents share in the upkeep and maintenance of these areas and decision-making for the community. Most also have some focus on eco-friendly practices and sustainability, although the ethos, values, aims, etc. of each community will vary.

We in the modern world have largely lost our sense of neighbourliness and community. Gone are the days when everyone on a street knew each other and could offer friendship, support, and collaboration. It's alienating and isolating, especially for people who have little or no family or friends. Cohousing is a way to combat that, and more and more people are becoming interested in it. In the UK there are currently 21 established, 34 developing, and 18 forming, cohousing communities. Generally they used to be groups leasing big old manor houses and grounds, moving in and perhaps doing them up a bit, but in recent years some have built their own new developments. Hazelmead - the neighbourhood Bridport Cohousing is creating - is the largest purpose-built cohousing development in the UK so far, and has been 10 years in the making.

As exciting as this project and others like it are, it's also a real shame that they're so difficult and time-consuming to achieve, that we have to work so hard to try and claw back something we have let ourselves lose. For big mainstream housing developers who throw up hundreds of identical character-less properties in a matter of months, the process is undoubtedly much quicker and easier. There is a housing crisis, yes, but there's also a social crisis (heck, there are an awful lot of crises right now, all interlinked), and there needs to be much more thought put into facilitating opportunities for people to connect with their neighbours and create little communities. It's not difficult. Instead of providing each individual flat in a building with its own washing machine, which may only get used once a week, (or just leaving a space for one so residents have to spend yet more money on buying their own), why not use that space for extra storage or something and have a communal laundry room, where people can bump into each other and hopefully start chatting? Instead of an ornamental rooftop garden of plants surrounded by pebbles, paths, and one or two benches, perhaps lay down some grass, plant a few fruit trees and some wildflowers, mark out a few vegetable plots, and add in a couple of BBQ stands and picnic benches? Making new builds largely or even fully sustainable and eco-friendly, and encouraging residents to be more so, also does not have to be difficult, but I won't go into that now.

Even if you can't or don't fancy living in a cohousing community, you probably can find or create a little sense of community and neighbourliness in your area. You may be lucky and already feel a sense of community within a group you're part of, such as a church or some other group with common values, interests, and aims. But if you don't have that then there are things you can do, with a little bit of bravery and perhaps a few ideas from the good old internet. Suggest to your neighbours that you share things which don't get used everyday, like vacuum cleaners, household tools, barbecues, lawn mowers and garden shed contents, etc. Invite them round for a potluck meal, where everyone brings a dish to share. Start a community garden, or share your own garden. Organise a street or garden party. Organise a litter clean-up. Use local independent shops more. Simply make eye contact, smile or nod, and say hello as you pass people.

I need to start doing / get better at doing these things, particularly the last. It's not easy, especially for an introvert. But loneliness is an epidemic, and as bad for our health as smoking. Lack of good social connection is a major issue, a major factor in depression. A bit more of a sense of friendliness, friendship, and community, or even just simple kindness, can make such a difference to everyone's lives - it can even save lives.

Part of me would love to be part of Bridport Cohousing and be living in Hazelmead in a couple of years time. The members and future residents we met and spoke to were really nice and friendly and obviously share some of my values and interests, their project is amazing, west Dorset is beautiful, and, although I barely saw any of it, Bridport seems a nice little market town. When I told my colleague the following Monday about my weekend, she immediately said she could see me living in Dorset rather than Hampshire, which was interesting. However, as I said at the end of my last post, my two friends and I were all sad to leave on the Sunday, and part of the reason was that we don't really believe going back there in the context we want to is possible for us right now. If we felt it was possible, we would be excited.

So why do not I feel it's possible for me?

• I'm not even close to being in a position to buy my own place, and to rent a one-bedroom flat in the development I'd have to become a paying member of the cohousing group, move to West Dorset, register with the local housing association, and hope they accept my bid for a flat in Hazelmead. 
• To become a member of the group, I'd have to attend at least four of their events so they can get to know me and get an idea of whether I'd be a good fit, and vice versa - but it takes a lot of time and money to get down to Bridport, and it's not too long before selection of residents is due to start. 
• I don't think I could really move out of Southampton for another year at least - the tenancy on my current flat won't be renewed till February, and next month I'll finally be starting the assessment process for being on the autistic spectrum, which could take a long while. 
• Bridport is a small market town (population ~15,000), so a place to live until I could move into Hazelmead and a job would be hard to come by. 
• I might not be able to afford to live on my own, even in a cheaper area and at 80% of the open market rates in that area. 
• I can't drive, and the public transport connections there probably aren't great. The nearest train stations are all 12-15 miles away, buses from Bridport to those towns are infrequent and probably take nearly an hour, and the trains then take an hour and a half back to Hampshire. It would be a faff to get anywhere.
• Bridport is pretty far away from everyone, and moving there would mean starting from scratch completely by myself. While living in a cohousing community with like-minded people would be great, am I the sort of person who can really make that work for myself? I have a few friends in or near Southampton, and am starting to get a few more, and that's not an easy thing for me to achieve, it's taken a long time. I'm doing more with my family, too. It might be best for me to stay nearby.

Although I don't feel it to be much of a likelihood right now for the above reasons, it's not impossible. In fact, the Bridport Cohousing members we spoke to said they really need people in their 20s among their members and residents, and they want people who share their ethos, not just random locals - so if I managed to get down there then it's pretty likely I'd get accepted. I think it's important that I explore this a bit more, and get a better idea of whether it's something I'd actually like to do. I can make the effort to get down there for another event in August or September, during which I could get to know the people better, find out more about and explore the town, its public transport links, what sort of things there are to do there, how I feel about how far away it is, etc. I could look at the websites of local estate agents to get a better idea of what sort of places I could rent while waiting for a Hazelmead place and for how much, and job websites. That'd give me a better idea as to whether or not I want to seriously pursue the option, and I'd have another nice weekend in a lovely place while I'm at it.

Hazelmead isn't the only cohousing place I'll visit, and cohousing isn't the only future-living option I'll look into. It's completely possible that owning my own home someday may not be possible, and I want to explore as many paths as I can and choose one for myself that I think is best for me and I am most content with. But that's for another post, another time. To finish, a reminder - social connection is something that we as humans are biologically wired to crave, and we cannot thrive without it, but we are letting ourselves and others forget it's importance. So maybe have a think about how you could foster a little more connection, friendship, kindness, and sense of community with your neighbours, colleagues (or just people who work in the same building), friends, family, and strangers on the street :)